think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
