Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
