the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
