I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
