Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
