Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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