you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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