barbara walters just said penis...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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