oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you win again, gameday.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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