my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
