my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
