at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
