apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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