She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
