I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
