Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
