I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
