If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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