I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
