do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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