Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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