I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
