Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
