worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
