A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
