yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
