Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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