i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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