It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
