Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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