I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
