when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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