I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
