I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
