Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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