yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
