You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
