Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
