So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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