if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
