I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
