if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
