Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
