I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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