The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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