this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
