Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
