her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
