dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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