haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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