I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
